Expending Myself

I am down to one week before I leave for Tyre, Lebanon, to help with a birth. I will leave February 5. Right now my return trip is set for February 22, but we (the team of three - mom, dad, and me) may change that, depending on when the baby arrives. It may be earlier or later. I will travel through Chicago and London, and then on to Beirut, where my hosts will pick me up and drive me to Tyre. The return trip will just be in the opposite direction.

This morning as I contemplated the trip before me I made a decision. I have decided to allow my name to be shared internationally for women who want to have a home birth abroad. This may not seem like a big step for some, I know, but it actually has been for me. Even though as a midwifery student my heart really wanted to minister to missionaries abroad in this way, as a midwife the realities of birth outside of the U.S. "comfort zone" began to weigh heavily on me. I wanted to be "careful." I also didn't want to be deluged with requests from the uttermost parts of the earth. I wanted to be able to pick and choose where I went. I also wanted to be able to choose when I went. After all, I have a life, too.

But this morning as I wrote in my journal, I realized that this may be my purpose in life right now. And what a waste, if I don't realize the purpose! And what a lack of obedience it is, this being careful. Being careful has its merits, but not when being careful means you deafen your ear to God's Spirit. So I said yes. I will allow God to move me where He will. And I will consciously be an Ambassador of the Man of Promise wherever I go.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." -Jim Elliot